I wish that I could say, I'd love to watch you walk away.

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 04:32:54 GMT

OH I made a new journal.
I want to do friends only, which means I need to get rid of the entries in here that everyone can read, and there's too many to go through.
Plus, there's too much crap I don't like looking back on in this one.

http://emaculation-115.livejournal.com/

Go add it !
And if I know I talk to you on this one to begin with, I'll add you so don't question who it is.

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 18:56:12 GMT

Me and my sister do get along sometimes. I'm younger, most people think the opposite. She looks like she'd rather not be in any of the pictures I have of her.

We went to the tattoo convention downtown, which was fun, but semi boring for me, cause I couldn't get any ink since I'm a minor.

My sister got a breast cancer butterfly, since my Grandmother had it.

Her boyfriend is really nice, I get along with him well.
We thought we were going to get shot on the way home by some Bloodz (long story), and I was freaked out still after we got into OP to pick up her car. So he rode back to my house with me, which added major points haha.

Her tounge was really touching me, until she said, "Your makeup tastes gross", then it stopped.

This dog is my pumpkin.

This was sooo long ago. I love my mom so much.

Oh this was in the bathroom during the tattoo convention. Had to make sure I got a good mirror shot. Hahahha.

Yeah, I look bad when I look at the camera. (;

Too many pictures of myself, I know.

I've been happy, and confused.
I guess I'll leave it at that !

NOTE TO EVERYONE

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 03:41:07 GMT

YOU SHOULD NOT LURK JOURNALS.

Is he lying or is she pretending that she's completely happy ?
I think he's lying.
My head hurts, school is out tomorrow.

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 21:46:44 GMT

I want to be the one you think of right when you wake up every morning. And regardless if I am right now, I want you to be allowed to wake up next to me because I'm yours. I want to not settle for less, you're exactly what I want. I want to quit admitting that I care so much because I want it to be your turn to. I want to feel your skin against mine. I want it to get cold and sit outside with you and have you warm up my hands for me again. I want to spend time alone with you again. I want to not want to sit here and wait, but I know I will be here in the end. I want to be the one who makes you happy, and I'm more the positive I can. I want to be the girl who turns everything around and makes it so not all girls are bitchy and hanging off you all the time. I want it to feel like it used to, only better. I want to tell you every little sentence of this by myself, but know I cannot.

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 21:26:07 GMT

I just ripped up all my notes from my ex's.
It only took about 2 years.
And the only one that caught me was the one that said, "LINNY, my Jewish Angel."

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 00:21:01 GMT

I need an I love myself entry, since I haven't had one in almost 2 months, and I'm really happy right now.

I love seeing pieces fall in and out of place, then even more when they get their exact spot. I love everything in my life at the moment. I love me and my sister being on good terms, and hanging out. I love being single and being able to do what I want. I'm not using the definition of slut on girls again. I love knowing my last boyfriend is completely off my mind, and this time I mean it with every part of me. Sometimes it takes seeing someone for 30 minutes, to make you realize something you've been thinking of for months. I hate that I have no hours at work so I have no money to spend everywhere. But I love that I have the whole weekend to go out of town with my friends and enjoy the day for less then 10 dollars. I hate school, but I love the fact that I get to miss so much of it, and get tons of 3 day weekends already. I'm ready to be a Senior next year and get out of the shithole. I'm thinking about going away to school, and leaving everything behind for a few years, to get to know myself more. I love my mom for being the most amazing person on this world. I hate how I lost some friendships in the past couple months, but I love the fact that I've grown up and realized I only need my family and Tiffany in the end. I love driving by myself so I don't have to talk to anyone. I love how I talk so much. I love how I've become so much more confident and content with myself. I love my body, and I love sticking up for my thoughts. I love him, and I'll love being "only a friend" for a couple years if I need to. Maybe by then I'll love someone else.
I love what I've become.

(can someone tell me how to make it so you can change the amount of entries showing on one page ?)

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 15:38:19 GMT

So yesterday was pretty fun.
Me and Rachal met up, then went to Gainsville.
Fooooooooooooootballlll, I don't think I've ever watched a fall game until then..? Hhaha.
It didn't go as I thought, which is in some cases good.
Then I get told my ex boyfriend is coming over, so at first I was like whatever, I'll just dip out before he gets here.
Thenn I was kind of thinking, wait, what the fuck. I've been here all afternoon, I'll just stay until I was planning on leaving.
And he did the whole "Tell her not to expect me to talk to her." Like I really thought he was going to..? LOL.
I think seeing him made the night for me, cause the first thing I thought was, :Oh gosh...I'm really, really over him.:
And it made me completely happy for the rest of the night.
I think this is the first time I've gotten over someone and not realized it until I saw them in person.

Needless to say, I feel amazingggggggggggg, and I could give a shit less if he cared I was there, I would say something else also, but I'm not one to toot my own horn. (:

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEk I have to fast for 24 hours for a Jewish holiday fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 14:46:33 GMT

I'm only a little scared now.
Wish me luck !

EDIT.

[12:26] Shaun6g: u just better have fun
[12:26] DoLL iT uP x3: i get to spend the day with a guy that makes me smile more then anyone i know
[12:26] DoLL iT uP x3: so it shouldn't be too hard

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 01:03:00 GMT

I go up, I come down, and I'm emptier inside.

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 11:41:53 GMT

Hahhahahha.

You seem so out of context.

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 20:44:50 GMT

1) List 20-ish things that you want to say to people, but never will.

2) Don't say who they are.

3) Never discuss it again.

1. I love you unexplainably and unconditionally. I miss your voice. You are my whole heart, and no matter how many times I try to give it to someone else I can't get away from you. I wish we could drop everything and just be together, but I know you cannot do that. I want you to just give it all up for me, like I know I'd do for you. I'll call it friends, to keep it close for now. "I can't stay over you. It seems we drive forever but can never get away from here, just one more try. I'm guessing you're over me, I guess it's bravery ? Because it's black out the window while you sleep in the passenger seat."

2. You're the best person to just be with. You amaze me, you're my world. I'm so happy that I have you here to be my best friend. I wouldn't want it any other way. We can handle not hanging out 24/7, in the end it'll be us against everyone else. (: (especially considering we're so mean right now.)

3. I miss driving. I miss screaming at the top of my lungs and waking up with a sore throat the next day. I miss being able to say ridiculously nasty or retarded things with you, and tell you every little thing. I still love the fact that I can pee and shower in front of you, and it not even phase me. I'm glad you seem to be happier.

4. You just hurt me more then anyone has. Our friendship was a label, your boyfriend is your life, and for what reason, I don't know.

5. I can tell you anything. And I will honestly say you're the only person I can do that with. Everytime we're together it just consists of talking about the same things over and over. OH and bunnies touching themselves in my car, but that's about it.

6. I'm so happy we're okay again. Girl, I missed the hell out of you. I had so much fun last time we spent time together, and we better again soon ! Studying aside !

7. You're the shittttttt. I don't know how to put it any other way ! "Best friends make the best lovers."

8. You're a worldwind. I miss you. We had too many issues with each other I guess. You're such a beautiful girl, smart, funny, outgoing, and I wouldn't change anything about you...Other then your attitude twords others.

9. You killed all my feelings for you. I'm happy that you did. I could careless if I ever see you again, unless it's to say, "Hey fuck you, I'm even better without you." Maybe I'll get that chance.

10. You're such a good friend now. You're like an angel. You're good at giving me advice with everything, especially since you know some of the people. I think we'll have more little road trips then this upcoming one, and I'm looking forward to more girls days with you. (:

11. You're there to have fun with. We don't talk as much. I feel like I cannot tell you as much anymore. I don't know why. And you do bitch alot.

12. I miss you. I MISSSSS YOU. I want to go to NY soon to visit my favorite cousin, no biggie. (:

13. I swear to god you crack me up everyday. I'm so glad you and my sister had a thing, cause you're a really good friend of mine from that.

14. Thanks for being there. I missed you. I'm glad you're back I hope you're not lying to me.

15. You should just move back to Middleburg, this not seeing you think is getting stupid, right ? I need you to go Christmas shopping again this year. And to talk to about every boy I see. And I need you to hit on them for me too, or encourage, whichever works. I need us to drive around to no where, just saying, "no you chose." I'm so glad you're happy.

16. Hahah so I would definitely show a different side if we hung out out of school !

18. You're great. Always been the person I'm closest to in the family. I don't want you to leave. Ever, basically.

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 02:35:29 GMT

I'm scared.
I'm really scared.
I'm ready for this weekend to come.
I swear to god if you break this plan I will never do anything for you.
I'm anxious.
I wish it could be pieced back together.

THANK YOU LORD:
1. For this oil slick.
2. For her car wreck.
3. For I'm love sick.

THANK YOU LORD:
4. For the loaded gun.
5. For the bad aim.
6. For I'm lonesome.

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:47:03 GMT

I've always had an issue with how much I weighed. When I was little, I was like a twig, so everyone thought I was anorexic (up to 13 years old). Now I'm a little chubby. This morning felt really good when I was in the kitchen with my mom, only wearing my boxer shorts and a cami, and she said "You look good Lindsey." That basically made my day.

I had to go have my dad put oil in my car at his work, so Babs made me lunch. Woo for wraps !

And now me and my mom have to go to Best Buy to try and trade in my iPod.

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 21:43:27 GMT

When I watch you, wanna do you right where you're standing. Right on the foryer, in this dark day, right in plain view. Of the whole ghetto, the boot stomped meadows, but we ignore that. You're lovely baby, this war is crazy, I won't let you down..
I won't let them take you, I won't let them take you, HELL NO, no.
I won't let them take you, I won't let them take you.
And when our city, vast and shitty, falls to the axis. They'll search the buildings, collect gold fillings, wallets, and rings. But Miss Black Eyeliner, you'd look finer with each day in hiding. Beneath the wormwood, ooooo, love me so good, They won't hear us screw away the day.
I'll make you say:
"Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…"
"Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…"
Our Treblinka is alive with the glory of love….
Treblinka, alive with the glory of love! Yeah!
Should they catch us and dispatch us, to those separate work camps. I'll dream about you, I will not doubt you with the passing of time. Should they kill me, your love will fill me as warm as the bullets, yeah. I'll know my purpose: this war was worth this. I won't let you down…
No, I won’t….
No, I won’t….
No, I won’t….
I WON'T LET THEM TAKE YOU.

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 19:41:32 GMT

Creeps much ?

Boy much ?

I'm sick of friends being rediculous.
And I need my haircut I think, but I actually like it at this point.
I want October to come, and next weekend.

I think we have an emergency.

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 01:46:02 GMT

Me and Courtney are okay again, I got in touch with her today.

Me and Rachal are going to take a trip to Gainsville, I'm excited.
And me and my brother are going to Halloween Horror Nights, hopefully someone else joins me so I have a screaming buddy.
And Everytime I Die is next month.
I should be pretty broke, I'm not gonna lie.
I hope I have money to go to NY this winter still, it's looking like it might be hard.

"Cause I've seen love die, way too many times, when it deserved to be alive. And I've seen you cry way too many times, when you deserved to be alive.

And if you thought I'd leave then you were wrong, cause I won't stop holding on."

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 02:34:08 GMT

I'm having a hard night, I cannot sleep. I think I'm trying to convince myself that I'm happy. I was just thinking about all my friends when I went to sleep, for some reason. I feel like too many are gone. What in the hell happened to me and Courtney ? At one point we were all each other had, and it seems like in the blink of an eye everything changed. I don't even know why. From us being stubborn maybe ? I was thinking of who I could have go with me and my brother to Halloween Horror Nights, and I was thinking that Courtney would go and hold my hand when I was scared the whole time (that sounds stupid, but seriously). And I miss that with her. I miss having her there, and spending the whole weekend with her and not getting tired of it. We did everything together.
I want to know what happened.

I have a headache also which isn't helping.
I'm thinking about not going to school tomorrow.

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 03:21:58 GMT

Ripley's Believe it or notttttt today.
Then Denny's.
Then home for more dinner.
Then Project Runway.
Then ice cream wth Wayne, and chilled at his house for a few.
I'm tired now.

We were wondering why this was in her bathroom. It's creepy. The one in mine was less creepy.

So on one side you saw the creepy girl, on the other you couldn't. One of the guys said it was a mirror, but I don't know why she came out red in the picture. That doesn't sit too well with me for some reason.

All he does is tell you about yourself. I thought he was going to bite our hands off, then paper popped out. We were like whatttt the fuck ?

This picture sucks, but he was made out of real human "slaves" skin. Blahh.

It actually looks kind of scarey in person though, because you can see the ghost image in it.

The canibal fork har har har.

These were the best part.

He was semi odd.

Ahh I thought he was so cool for some reason. All made out of soda cans.

Best picture, made out of rinestones.

"Floating" fountain.

Statue...And Brittany !

"Wild".

"Lousy". ...."I couldn't even get cold bitch." Haha.

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 22:06:27 GMT

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 02:50:59 GMT

I'm talking my mom into getting a matching tattoo with me.
It's exciting, she's having me look for something.
I suggested the tiny Jewish star on the side of my wrist that I want, and her get it on her foot or something, but she doesn't really want a Jewish star because she's technically Catholic, my daddy is the Jewish one.
I saw it in hearts, and loved it, she seemed to think that was cute.
But she insists on me finding Nicole Richie's tattoo around her ankle with the rosery beads or something, cause she lovesss it.
But I'm not Catholic haha.

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 23:49:01 GMT

I'm so ready for Friday to come, I dont' have to wake up really early, and I get to miss school. I have to go to court for a traffic ticket, and hopefully get out of it.
Then I'm off work also, so I plan on actually having a Friday night since I never get to.

I think I could definitely be classified as the "won't leave the person alone" ex. My ex boyfriend tries so hard to get me to, he's mean, and I still won't. I STILL try to be friends with him. And I'm putting myself in the position where it's like, why do I want to if he acts like this ? But then I look past that and think maybe I'll see the good in him like the first night we hung out and started dating, or the two months that we were dating. What the fuck is wrong with me, and why can I not learn to just do what people tell me to if they want nothing to do with me anymore ?

I'm so ready for school to be over already, I want to have a fun summer again. I need to bring my grades up.

I wish October would come soon, I'm so ready for the fucking Artreyu//Everytime I Die show. Oh god, you don't evennnn know.

And I'm gaining weight, so I need to think of something to do.

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 01:42:52 GMT

I bought that shirt from Buckle. I lovee it.

Bug eyes ?

Squinting is needed in Florida sun.

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Wed, 06 Sep 2006 00:16:40 GMT

I just wish someone could make this all make sense to me.
I'm still not content in so many ways.
I'm still holding on in so many ways.

Me and my brother's girlfriend are talking about oging to New York this winter. I just checked tickets, cheaped roundtrip we can get is 200 something, and that's only for like 4-5 days. So I hope this money comes up soon, cause I reallly want to go. I need to get out of Florida for a couple days at least.
I found the tattoo I'm probably getting, or similar to it. Me and my mom need to go to Inksmith and check some out when she has her next day off work with me. I want December to just hurry and get here.
Since that is a Hannukah gift, I'm thinking of talking them into more ink in January for my 17th haha.
But that's small things, so we'll see what they say is okay. (:

I wish I knew more people to hang out wtih, half my friends don't anymore.
The ones I lost were the actual fun ones, which really sucks when I look at it that way.
They were the, "Come over and chill" type, to where you could just lay down and fall asleep, then finish your day, but didn't have to do it alone.
I need that with someone now, because I feel like it's not possible without it.
I complain too much.

Really.

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 15:18:04 GMT

here's how it works:

1. Open your music library
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question press the next button.

Ready? GO!

Opening Credits to your life:
Boys Night Out-Sentencing.

Waking Up:
Rilo Kiley-With Arms Outstretched.

Falling In Love:
Zao-Parade Of Chaos.

Fight Song:
Yung Joc-I Know You See It hahaha.

Breaking Up:
Silverstein-Bleeds No More.

Life's Okay:
Blood Brothers-Love Rymes With Hidious Car Wreck.

Mental Breakdown:
Ani Difranco-Falling Like This.

Driving:
Rick Ross-Born & Raised.

Flashbacks:
Tegan and Sara-This Is Everything.

Happy Dance:
Caliban-Vicious Circle.

Regretting:
Ion Dissonance-O.S.A.D.

Death Scene:
Trivium-My Hatred.

Your makeout song:
Norma Jean-Absentimental. What the fuck for this question.

Song that plays when you're walking down the street:
T.I.-Rummerband Man REMIX !

Song that best describes your personality:
Awee Rilo Kiley-Wires and Waves.

Your victory song:
Set Your Goals-Goonies Never Say Die

Your bored song:
Everytime I Die-Punch Drunk Punk Rock Romance.

Your song after a bad day:
Taking Back Sunday-One Eighty By Summer.

Your panic song:
Tegan and Sara-Come On Kids.

Song that plays while you sleep:
Rick Ross-Hustlin'.

Song that best describes your relationship:
Rage Against the Machine-Bombtrack.

Song that best describes you in school:
Gym Class Heroes-The Queen and I hahaha.

Song that best describes you in general:
D4L-What's Happnin'.

Song that people think of you:
Hahhahah Justin Timberlake-Sexy Back.

Song that best describes your attitude:
Drop Dead Gorgeous-The Show Must Go On.

Your theme song:
The Postal Service-Such Great Heights.&hearts;

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 17:41:38 GMT

Everyone name a song I should download.